


Impulse Buy

by orphan_account



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Farmer Keith (Voltron), Fluff, M/M, Mini Lance, Pets, Silly, Tiny people, YouTuber Keith (Voltron), tiny lance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:02:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23686615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “Hey guys. So, I know that I said I wouldn’t be getting any more pets. Well. See. This little guy’s owner didn’t know how to take care of him and was selling him in unhealthy condition at the convention and I... couldn’t help it. I bought him. His name is Lance and he’s bouncing back really well.The only problem is that he hates me.”
Relationships: Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 79





	Impulse Buy

_So I made a bit of an impulse buy..._

  
“Hey guys. So, I know that I said I wouldn’t be getting any more pets. Well. See. This little guy’s owner didn’t know how to take care of him and was selling him in unhealthy condition at the convention and I... couldn’t help it. I bought him. His name is Lance and he’s bouncing back really well.

The only problem is that he hates me.”

Keith pans the camera down into an empty fish tank with a crumpled blanket inside. A small lump in the blanket wiggles every few seconds.

“He’s either sleeping or pretending to. And before you leave an outraged comment this enclosure is only temporary. I’m gonna wait a couple of minutes and try to get him poking his head out. Do NOT lift up whatever they’re hiding under to find them. It’s a huge invasion of privacy and they won’t trust you.”

The video cuts to a few minutes later when Keith’s pet pokes his little head out of the covers. He glares at Keith, pouting.

“Hey, buddy! What’s up, Lance?” coos Keith, unconsciously raising the pitch of his voice.

Lance hisses at him.

“It’s okay. No one’s going to hurt you.”

Lance sticks out his tongue.

“Yeah, uh. We’re not exactly on good terms yet. It might be because I had to grab him around his middle earlier without supporting under his armpits. Don’t do that, it hurts their sides. It’ll be a while before he’s used to my hands enough for me to pet him.”

Lance throws the covers off of himself and sits cross-legged. He’s in a tiny tee shirt and shorts with ridiculously small socks.

“There we go. Good boy, showing off for the camera. You guys have no idea how hard it was to make him those socks. All of the premade ones on Etsy didn’t fit right. Lance is ten inches tall standing, which is about the average size for standard tinies, but their feet are all different sizes. Alteans’s bodies are usually a little bigger than standards, and Galra are the biggest. You should see my friend Shiro’s Galra pair and child. Zarkon is huge. I’ll link them in the description.”

  
  


_What happened to Lance?_

“Hey guys. A lot of you have been asking about Lance, my standard tiny. He’s doing fine, I didn’t get rid of him or anything just because he hasn’t been on camera. He’s camera shy, and by that I mean he’s a jerk when I film him. I’ve had to stop filming my process of hand taming him. But good news- he’s just about totally used to me now!”

The camera moves from Keith’s face over to the huge, water-less fish tank.

”I’ll give you a cage tour. So, his house. It’s got his bed and his cubby with all of his lovingly hand-sewn clothes in it.”

A wooden box with a door comes into view.

”No windows because privacy is really, really important to these guys. They don’t sleep or bathe or get dressed unless you give them a place to hide when they do it.”

The camera moves over to another windowless box with a door.

”And that’s got his bath and toilet in it. I know someone’s gonna say that it shouldn’t be closed off so I can’t see if he’s drowning himself but those accidents are super rare for an adult. He’s fully grown and his mental health is more important than the- heh- _tiny,_ risk.”

Keith moves the camera around the rest of the tank.

”So he’s got some bean bag chairs around and some surfaces to put his stuff on- you know, his little toys and puzzles. The water bottle’s over there next to the food bowl. And, of course, _the wheel._ ”

The wheel is a bright, obnoxious blue.

”Believe me, he loves running on this thing. They’re not nocturnal but I can hear him running in the middle of the night.”

The wooden door to the house opens a crack and Lance’s head emerges.

”Hi, sweetie! What’ve you been up to in there?” asks Keith.

Lance scowls and slams the door.

”I swear that it’s just the camera. He loves me, really.”

Only a second later the door slams open and Lance is dragging out a smartphone behind him.  
  
Keith chuckles nervously.

”It’s a little unconventional but his favorite toy is my phone so I gave him one of his own. He watches Youtube! And sometimes I have him facetime with Shiro and his tinies.”

The video cuts to shaky, lower quality footage of Keith filming Lance with Shiro’s pets on the other end of Lance’s phone. Lance turns his fist backwards and raises his middle finger at Honerva. Zarkon growls and grabs Honerva protectively.

”Their language and methods of communication have yet to be decoded” says Keith.

_Tiny Taming_

  
  


“Hey, guys. This is probably going to be the last video on Lance for a while. I want to focus on my bigger pets. But before that I have to prove to you guys that Lance is happy. So here he is.”

Keith stands up and his hands holding Lance come into view. Lance sits cross-legged and tilts his head back to look at Keith with a smile.

”Hi buddy. Whatchya looking at?” says Keith in his pet-voice. He takes one hand out from under the other and strokes Lance’s head with two fingers, starting at the forehead and going down the back through his hair. Lance’s eyes flutter shut in ecstasy and he drawls out a quiet _squeeeeak._

“Yeah, he likes that, doesn’t he? If you ever wonder why they don’t talk like humans it’s because their vocal chords are too tiny.”

Keith gently scratches Lance’s back and Lance moves himself to get Keith fingers over the best spot.

”So, to get him used to my hands I hand fed him treats between feeding him with the bowl. Really tasty stuff. Garlic knots are his favorites. I eat one and rip off a small piece for him and he gobbles it down. We both smell like garlic afterwards but it’s totally worth it.”

Lance turns himself around and reaches up for Keith with his little arms. Keith lowers his head down and Lance nuzzles Keith’s nose before pecking him on the lips. Keith smiles and chuckles which makes Lance laugh.

”He technically sees me as his mate. That happens when you only have one tiny. They’re not solitary creatures so if you don’t have someone their own size they pick you. I don’t encourage the behavior but I don’t really discourage it either because he hasn’t tried anything funny.”

Keith goes back to petting Lance’s head.

”Feels really weird having a head the size of a walnut smushed against your lips.”

Lance hold’s Keith’s finger against his little cheek.

”So that’s about it for Lance. He isn’t suffering, believe me. He’s spoiled. Next couple of videos will be dedicated to the big guys out on the farm. My cow Kaltenecker is an angel and taking care of her is nothing compared to my new yupper. If you ever thought cleaning up after a cow was torture than you’ve never had a yupper.”


End file.
